3-Month Letter

My lovely little baby girl,

You are turning 3 months in less than week, and I can’t believe how much time flies. Our labor story seems to be just a dream now, whenever I think about how we first met. It seemed like it was years ago that I was in the hospital with a protruding belly. It all happened so quickly, and it is true what they say — that after labor pains and all the blood-curdling pain of giving birth, you quickly forget because you are suddenly blessed with this new life. It is like being handed the whole universe, comprised in such a little package, 6 pounds 10 ounces.

You’ve already reached double digit weight in less than two and a half months. You’re growing so quickly, we can hardly contain ourselves. Your daddy and I can’t keep our eyes off you, and I find that I even miss you when I am asleep. I find that I can’t stay away from you for more than an hour at a time, which makes running errands and going back to work something like climbing Mt. Everest. I can’t imagine never feeling this way again. I forgot what it was like without you, before you were born. I don’t think it was possible, and I am led to believe that all these years without you were spent solely preparing for you. From the day I was born, I was put on this earth to love you, even before you were the size of a bean.

Oh baby, everyday you do new things that make us laugh and giggle and tear up. Everyday, you see me when you wake up and you have the biggest smiles on your face. You talk to me and I want to eat you up. You squeak and squeal at me and I want to know what you’re thinking and what you’re saying. You are such a happy, calm little baby. I am so truly blessed to be your mother. I am the luckiest mommy in the world. I can’t wait until I hear your laugh and giggle on a regular basis, I can’t wait until you can sit up on your own, take your first steps, speak your first words. And when you go off to school, I know I will be willing myself, though failing miserably, not to cry. I can’t wait for all those firsts with you. And I promise you, as the universe is my witness, that I will always be there for you, and I will always love you.

There are many things your daddy and I want for you. We have long talks about what we want to teach you, how we want to guide you, the types of values we want to instill in you. We talk about how we explain “spirituality” to you, and how it differs from simple religion. We talk about how we’re going to explain Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. We talk about how we’re going to talk about politics and war and peace with you. We talk about how we’re going to mold you into being a world peace keeper, because nothing would make us more proud. And yet, the more we talk, the more we realize that whatever you decide to be, as long as you are happy and you are passionate, we will be just as happy and just as passionate.

Do you remember yesterday you and I had a conversation about what you want to do when you grow up? I told you that whatever you decide, I will support you and back you up. Do you want to be a singer or a dancer? Mommy can’t sing and dance if her life depended on it, but I will be there for every recital, every class, every play and every lesson. Do you want to be a scientist? Mommy and Daddy will sign you up for science camp and buy you the latest and greatest science gadgets (much to your daddy’s incredible excitement, I’m sure) and we will spend hours and hours with you exploring what happens when you mix certain acids with bases. Do you want to be an astronaut, or a politician, or a therapist like your Mommy? Do you want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a starving artist who lives with passion and not money? Do you want to be a professor, or a writer of novels, or a children’s book illustrator? Do you want to be a journalist, or a photographer, taking photos of how other people live their lives, or photos of nature in its beautiful serenity? Anything you want, baby, and we will do everything we can to support you.

The biggest lesson we want to teach you, baby girl, is that love is the question and the answer. There will be times when you get so angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. There will be times when you get so sad you think the world is ending and you wonder how everyone else can just walk through their days as if your heart isn’t breaking. There will be times when you are so happy that you think that “this” is it, that this is why life is worth living. And throughout all these times, you must know that every single emotion you feel is valid, every single want and need you have is true. They are yours, and you should never ever have to feel wrong or invalid for these feelings, even when they are “bad.” You are entitled to every feeling, and I will teach you how to be okay with them. I will teach you how to be sad and not feel shame. I will teach you how to be angry and not take it out on yourself or others.

We will teach you how to love despite feeling unloved, how to reach out despite feeling lonely, how to be okay despite feeling the world is going to end.

Baby oh baby, there are so many things you have yet to witness and go through and experience. I hope you will always, always know that regardless of where you are in this world, what you’re doing, what you’re thinking and feeling, we will always be your biggest fans.


Your Mama

4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I got so teary-eyed when I read that. :) Lily’s going to so proud to have you as her mama.

what Emily said. :) you’re lucky to have her, and she’s lucky to have you.

Do you want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a starving artist who lives with passion and not money?

Seriously? Helen, I know you mean well and that your intentions are coming from a good place, but this is a very short sighted and stereotyped perspective on a career in the arts.

LOL, Jen. :P

TrackBack URI

Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>