A Movie & Sleep

Today is our one-year wedding anniversary. We were so caught up in having a new baby, we almost forgot all about it. Heh. We decided to celebrate it by going out to a movie (first in a loooong time), and leaving Lily Bean at home with her Nana Sylv. It went okay, except that I couldn’t stop thinking about her all thoughout our 2.5 hours away from home. I held onto my cell phone on vibrate just in case Sylv decided to call in case of an emergency, and I must have checked on it at least 15 times during the movie to see if I’ve missed a phone call. Needless to say, we left her in very good hands (we wouldn’t have left her with very many people, to be honest, and Nana Sylv is at the top of the list). We had a good time, and it was nice to be out with my husband all by himself. We felt like we were missing an arm or something, but still… it was nice.

When we got home, I kissed her at least a dozen times. Just being near her makes me happy. I can’t believe how much life has changed in these last two weeks. She’s only a week and a half old, and I don’t remember what it’s like not to have her.

Last night was a little difficult. She didn’t sleep between 10pm and 6:30am. She wasn’t crying at all, and wasn’t really “fussy,” so to speak. She was just up all night, wanting to be held and talked to. I had left a bottle of pumped breast milk for Dave to feed her with while I slept (such a great idea!), and I went to bed at around 1:30am. 6:30am rolled around, and I wake up to Dave carrying her into our bedroom. He looked absolutely exhausted, and reported that she hadn’t slept at all. She finished all the milk, and wasn’t hungry — she just wasn’t at all tired. Completely wired. She’s a night owl, just like her daddy. I ended up waking up so that he can get some rest, and held her for a little while, and then fed her again (boobified way), and she ended up falling asleep at around that time. She had a reaallly nice long sleep between then and about 7pm, with frequent wakings just to feed. I had to wake her a couple of times so she can eat, cuz she was so darn tired. Hopefully, tonight will be a little better.

She’s such a sweet child. She’s hardly fussy at all. She just likes to be held and talked to. We could have it worse, really. Right now, she just fed on me for about an hour, and was having some trouble falling asleep, but we finally got her in bed again. We’ll see how the rest of the night goes.

Her Personality

She’s only a little over a week old, and already we are seeing some personality in her. There are things we’ve been noticing about her, that sets her apart from everyone else. She’s quite the little individual. It’s amazing watching her grow, on a daily basis, even. She seems so different from when she was born, and even from when we brought her home from the hospital.

  • She loves being held and talked to. Even when she’s not hungry, or needs to fart, burp, or poop.
  • She prefers to sleep in someone’s (particularly Mommy and Daddy) arms rather than in bed.
  • She’s very fair. She is rather patient even when she is hungry or demanding. As long as you tell her “Mama’s coming, don’t worry!” most of the time she’ll stop crying and just wait, and look around.
  • She recognizes when Mommy’s holding her, and when Daddy’s holding her. She knows Mommy’s got the boobs, and Daddy’s got the dances and the singing. Heh.
  • She likes rock and grunge music. She particularly likes the Raconteurs, White Stripes, and Nirvana. She falls instantly asleep when this music is on.
  • She likes Daddy’s singing. Oh dear.
  • She’s unafraid to speak her mind and let us know she needs something. She’s not shy, that’s for sure.
  • She’s easy going when all her needs are met. She can stay in your arms wide awake for hours at a time just listening to you talk to her.
  • She can sleep through everyday loud noises, such as the vacuum on, music playing, the tv on, etc.
  • She can respond through her eyes at what you say. She’ll smile at you when you coo at her long enough.

Daddy and Lily Bean discussing world politics.

“Oh no she’s crying!!!!”

Getting her beauty sleep.

Another Day, First Laugh

Okay I don’t think I have anything to worry about. She just breast fed for a whole hour. :P My nipples are getting less sore and more used to the feeding. She’s less fussy by the end of today, so it looks promising. I think she just eats as much as she can whenever she can… listening to her hunger and her instincts. We’ll see how the next few weeks go. I think I’m over thinking this waay too much. I gotta relax. This postpartum anxiety is not so fun to deal with. I’m looking forward to being my mellow self again, I gotta tell ya.

We went out for another outing today. She did very well, as usual. Slept in the car seat, slept in the stroller. We’ll go out again tomorrow, for another short little shopping spree (we need some batteries, and maybe get some lunch in the fresh summer air together). Lily Bean loves it outside. We keep her out of direct sunlight, as it’s waayy too bright for her, and it’s so cute to see her just sleep through the whole event. She makes the cutest faces ever.

My parents are coming over end of August, to stay for a week. They’ve been calling everyday since Lily Bean was born. They’re over the moon over their first grandchild. It’s really quite cute. I didn’t really expect them to be this excited about it all, but I am so glad to see that they are. My mother is finally accepting that she’s a grandmother. Heh. I answer the phone to “And how is my granddaughter doing today?” Very cute.

A first today!! This morning, she laughed in her sleep! First laugh!! It was soooo cute!! It was a giggle. I can’t wait to hear more! Dave is horribly jealous that I heard her laugh and he was still asleep.

Cuddles and Latching

Yesterday, feeding went well. Today, it seems to be going in a different direction. Not as bad as the day before yesterday, but it’s frustrating. Today, she isn’t latching on as long as she usually does (which is about 45 minutes to an hour). It’s gone down significantly. She’s only latching on for about 10 to 15 minutes, and then she pulls away, quite insistently. I think she wants the bottle. I’ve been pumping, and it’s going well — giving my nipples a break from time to time, and still being able to feed her with my breast milk. However, I think this is confusing her? I’m not entirely sure. She’s still getting formula about once a day. This whole process is so incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. I’m getting advice, suggestions, and support from every which direction, and I’m just getting so confused and emotionally anxious. However, I’m not as depressed as I was two days ago, so that’s good. I just want her to be able to eat. I’m trying to wean her off of formula completely, but at the same time, I’m afraid she’s not getting enough latch on me, so I’m giving her bottled breast milk, which is good, I suppose.

I suppose my questions at this point are:

- Should I nix the bottle completely, and behaviorally re-train her to like the boob again? Even if it means 10-15 minute feedings every hour or so?

- Should I continue the bottle, but only with breast milk?

- Should I continue the bottle, with both breast milk and formula?

Aahhh, help!

Okay, now for some cute cuddle photos with the Lily Bean. We have lots of cuddle time with the perfect little girl of ours. When we’re not staring at her while she sleeps, or feeding her, we’re cuddling with her. Heh. She kinda looks uncomfortable though, huh, with her squished sleepy face? Hehe. What a cuuttiiieeee!!

First Outing

So today we had our first outing with Lily Bean. We went to her first doctor’s appointment at the hospital (all is well, she is gaining weight quite nicely!). And then we went shopping for a few odds and ends for her, and took a little walk and got some late lunch for Dave and me. We pushed her around in her stroller and car seat, and she absolutely LOVED it. Loved it! She was asleep the whole time — bumps and all. She was the cutest baby on the block, and we had several people stop us to ask about her and tell us how cute she is. I guess everyone loves a newborn! Hehe.

She also loves car rides, which is awesome. That will make trips easier. I figured she would, as most babies do. They just end up falling asleep after looking at all the pretty sights that pass them by.

Today, breastfeeding has been very difficult. My nipples continue to be very, very sore. It feels more sore today than it did yesterday, and I ended up crying during a couple of feedings because it hurt so bad. Lily Bean kept biting down and pulling away. I try to keep her latched on, but it depends on every feeding. I had to skip a couple of feedings and just fed her formula again because my nipples were starting to bleed. UGH. I am so depressed over this whole thing. I know it’s also the hormones that accompany post-natal and stuff, but goooddddd I wish my goddamn boobs and nipples wouldn’t hurt so bad. When will this get better? I don’t know if I have it in me. I’m going to keep trying, and I feel so damn bad when I end up giving her formula. I feel like I’m letting her down, and not taking good care of her. *sigh*

On the upside, that’s pretty much the only thing that’s getting me down. She’s sleeping so well, she’s such a mild kiddo, though when she does cry, it’s a yelp like no other. She’s our perfect little elf child. She’s just so perfect, so beautiful. We just stare at her. Dave is so in love with this little thing, it’s so sweet to see. He oohs and ahhs over her all the time. We’re both enamored by every little thing she does. Every poop, every fart, every burp, every gasp, every sigh, every yawn. Everything. Everything she does is amazing. She’s our little miracle.

Here she is in her first outing outfit: